Just a quick stop in...

"He is in ONE of his two training TDY's before his deployment right now and I just got that "Oh yeah, forgot that this sucked" moment. 

I went to the commissary and did my 2 week purchase. Now, we are a family of 6 so that usually is a several bag trip, and this time he wasn't here to help bring stuff in, put it away nor manage little ones while I did either of those things...oh, right, bring on the suckage."

When you think about an upcoming deployment, you think about missing him, the kids missing him, late nights and lonely beds, ect. 

However, it is the day to day stuff that you find out, yikes I didn't realize how much I relied on him to (fill in blank). 

So for now it is help with groceries. 

It makes me appreciate him more, I am trying to write it down so that I remember to say thank you for always doing, helping, whatever it may be, and so that he knows I missed him today.

 I am trying to make sure he knows that yes, I can do it alone, but I don't really want to.

 I am trying to squeeze in a Thanksgiving dinner and a Christmas tree buying outing and set up in a 36 hour time frame, which is how long he will be home before he leaves for phase two of training.

I am trying to hold on to those moments he is here.

I am trying not to argue or get off page about anything.

 I am trying...  

Trying is a word that will come into focus a lot while he is gone. 

Things will get trying. 

And I will have to do more in several areas and not let it show that I am, indeed, "trying" to enjoy it for the kids.

Trying.

It is a hell of a word, and it fits deployments very well on all levels.

The Deployment Slap, Smacks Hard...

So last night he comes home with about half of his gear, the kids are doing homework the littlest just got up from nap, so we met eyes, I was in full swing trying to get stuff done so he just rolled it to our bedroom and came out to help. Out of sight out of mind, right?

Fast forward: So now dinner is done, the kids are bathed, everyone is either reading or playing before bed, and I am sitting on our bed watching him pack. He is going over his checklist since he is leaving for training in days. Seeing it, all the new gear, things he has never been required to wear before, scarier things, things to have if things go wrong, was sobering. So I changed that real quick and went and got a Michelob Ultra...  

       STOP WAIT, you over THERE!!! Judgy McJudgy pants, look this is my life, and the complete truth as I see it, do it and feel it. This blog is for me! I am not doing this to make money, or to get a popular following, this is my way of getting it out. So that I can remember these days, so i can make sense of these days. And in doing so, if me writing this causes just one, wife, mother, friend, whoever... to laugh or just understand in a "been there... done that" kinda way then, dammit good! Sometimes the best stories are all the crap that happens to someone ELSE while THEIR loved one is deployed! 

So if you don't like cussing, occasional drinking, or crazy lady rants, move on, move on now! You aren't welcome here! 

Are they gone??? 

Good! Okay fade back in...

So I am sitting there, gulping sipping my beer and doing the occasional auto reply of "oh, uh huh, and cool" as he is unwrapping everything and packing all his stuff and I am outwardly very calm. However, inside my head I am doing the damn chant"damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn" and that was when it hit me, my heart sunk a little and my head whispered,"This is it, it is right here in front of me, shit just got real." 

This is known as the Deployment Slap, it happens to everyone, at some point, before a deployment.  You KNOW it is coming, and you KNOW it is happening, but it takes that one little thing for you to go "Oh, it is here" the thing that you are prepping for, the checklists,  the thing that you are working towards to make sure everything is done, but it is finally... HERE. 

Two beers into his packing and I was feeling much better. I am not sure what they put into most beers but I am pretty sure that they put love, laughter and a little bit of ass kicking in Michelob ultras. After two of those, I am calmer and dammit, YES I CAN, do ANYTHING. I am SUPER MOM!!! I may even crave a little cape action, but hey that's only for special occasions! But really there is nothing you can do but accept, help him finish up, hug him a little harder that night, snuggle a little longer, and TRY to sleep. It is coming, but it is not tonight.

Almost time to go...

So as anyone who has ever done this a deployment isn't just the days they are gone, there is training prior and checklists after checklists. THAT is where we are at, so while I still have him, I will be focusing on him. But when he does leave, which is soon, the rants will begin. You may want to avoid this blog once that starts! :-p